Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins - Coffee Cake Texture

Oh...My....God. These are friggin delicious. Seriously. I found a recipe allrecipes.com for these, and then tweaked it to fit my own tastes. For the original recipe, click here: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/pumpkin-cream-cheese-muffins/ First off, it was super confusing to pay attention to what went where in the format I found it in. So let me break it down for ya. Topping: 4 1/2 tablespoons of flour 5 tablespoons of white sugar 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon 3 tablespoons of butter I'm all about making things easy. And my electric mixer broke. Tear. $2 mixer at Walmart on black friday, you are mine. Put all the topping ingredients in a bowl with the chunk of cold butter on top. Throw the bowl in the microwave until the butter is melted. Stir it all together and put it in the fridge while you make everything else. Filling: 8 ounces of cream cheese 1 egg 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 3 1/2 tablespoons of brown sugar Here's what I did: I put the chunk of cream cheese in a bowl and nuked it in the microwave for about 45 seconds so it got gooey. I don't prepare to cook an hour in advance. I'm frickin busy. Everything comes straight out of the fridge and into my cooking. So if it's supposed to be softened, it goes in the microwave. I don't care what the recipe says. Stir your gooey cream cheese until the lumps are gone. Or use your electric mixer, if yours isn't sadly broken. Add the other ingredients and blend it all together. Set aside. Muffin mix: 2 1/2 cups of flour 2 cups of white sugar 2 teaspoons baking powder 2 1/2 teaspoons of ground cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon of salt 2 eggs 1 1/2 cups canned pureed pumpkin (you can puree your own pumpkin if you want. I don't have time for that shit) 3 teaspoons vanilla extract 1/3 cup olive oil (I know, OLIVE? Yeah. Just do it.) Throw all that stuff in a big bowl and mix well. It will look like orange puke when you're done. Don't taste it, trust me. Turn the oven on to 375. Why didn't I tell you that in the beginning? Because I always forget to pre-heat. That's why. Line your muffin pan with cupcake cups or grease it if you're genius enough to get stuff out of those damn pans on your own. Fill each cup halfway with the pumpkin mixture. Add a tablespoon full of the cream cheese mixture on top of that. (The original recipe says not to let the cream cheese mix touch the sides of the cups. Uh yeah right.) Just drop it in there and let it go where it wants to. Crumble the topping on top. Bake for 20-25 minutes. Take a bite. Marvel at the yummy muffin while you do the HOT HOT HOT blowing while the food is already in your mouth technique. Vow to let it cool all the way before you take another bite. Break the vow. Repeat.

Starbucks Iced Pumpkin Spiced Latte Copycat

I friggin LOVE Starbucks but I can't afford that shit every day. So I tried a few things and figured out I can make a near-perfect copy of their iced pumpkin spice latte with 3 ingredients. 1 - you're gonna need some cold-brew coffee, or it won't taste as close. You can ice over your regular brew, but it tastes a little funky. 2 - Coffeemate brand pumpkin spice flavor coffee creamer liquid. They have it in sugar free too, so you don't have to feel like a total fatty. 3 - ice. Brew the coffee. Pour it into your mug or cup , leaving about 1/2 of the cup empty. Dump in as much creamer as you think you're gonna need. You may have to screw this up a few times before you get it just right. You may also hate the taste of pumpkin spice if you fuck it up too much the first time. Fair warning. Start small. Once you've got the right combo of coffee and creamer, dump in some ice, enough to bring the coffee mix to the top of the cup. Bam. Now if you have to be all exact, squirt some whipped cream on the top and sprinkle cinnamon or nutmeg, or whatever the hell they use at Starbucks. Ta-da. You're welcome. And before you send me hate mail, yes I realize you still have to buy stuff in order to make these. But even if you buy the cold-brew from Starbucks to brew at home, between the coffee and the creamer, you're only spending about $15, which will make dozens of iced lattes. So you just outsmarted Starbucks by like $100 if you're a venti junkie like me.

Beer, Bacon & Beef Mac & Cheese

Tonight I took two recipes that I wanted to try, and combined them into one because I wound up changing shit around after my husband whined that he didn't like swedish meatballs and wanted something else. I had already mixed the meat so I had to improvise. What I wound up with was damn tasty. Start out like you're going to make swedish meatballs. I didn't measure anything so I'll ballpark it for you. If you can't approximate shit, you shouldn't be cooking anyway. Meat: 1 lb ground beef 1/2 cup panko bread crumbs 1 tsp garlic powder 1/4 tsp crushed red pepper 1/4 tsp ground pepper 1/4 tsp paprika 1 egg bacon Mix all that in a big bowl and squish the meat around in it until it's pretty consistant. You're gonna have to use your hands. If you can mix shit into ground beef with a spoon before cooking it, you're a friggin genius. Toss that in a pan and brown up the meat. The original recipe called for minced onion too. I didn't have time for that so I tossed some dried minced onion in the pan because I happened to have some in the cabinet. The original recipe also said to cook bacon and then throw that in, but I'm lazy and I hate cooking bacon. So I buy those "real" bacon pieces in the little glass jar in the salad dressing aisle. I threw a bunch of those into the meat and considered the matter closed. Cook some noodles until they're almost done. Does't matter what kind you use. I used Penne because I had it in the pantry. Use whatever you want. Measure out however much you think you're gonna eat. When it's almost ready, drain it and leave it in the strainer in the sink while you work on the sauce. Sauce: 1 egg 1/2 cup sour cream 2 tablespoons soft or melted butter 1/2 bottle of beer 1 tsp ground pepper 1 tsp garlic powder pinch of red pepper (or more if you want your ass to burn later) pinch of paprika 1 cup grated cheese Whisk the egg, butter & sour cream together. Pour half a bottle of beer into the bowl. Mix that in. You can use whatever kind of beer is handy. I had Bud Light, so in it went. Drink the rest of the beer. We do not waste beer. Period. Throw the seasonings in there, but hold off on the cheese. Throw that into a sauce pan on the stove and get it to where it's starting to bubble. Start throwing cheese in a little at a time. You can use whatever kind of cheese you want. More if you like it extra gooey. This was a last minute idea for me, so I tossed in everything I had - which was two sticks of mozzarella string cheese, 2 kraft singles, 2 slices of swiss, and a handfull of that pre-grated and bagged stuff that everybody tells you won't melt right. Yeah it will, if you are cooking it in a sauce. Once all the cheese is melted, throw the noodles back in. Get it all nice and coated, and then throw that ground beef deliciousness on top of it. Mix it all up, grab another beer, and feast. My super picky husband went back for thirds.

Beef Calzone Ring

I wish I could take credit for the ring idea, but I can't. I saw it on pinterest and I wish I could remember who to give the credit to! 2 cans crescent rolls 2/3 pound ground beef veggies of your preference (I use red bell peppers and some onion) 1 cup grated cheese parmesean cheese 1/2 cup cream cheese Brown the meat, and throw in seasonings of your choice, then and add in your veggies. Allow to simmer until the veggies are soft. Drain the fat from the meat and then return to pan. Add the 1/2 of the grated cheese, and all of the parmesean cheese. Mix well over low heat until well blended. Turn off heat. Open both cans of crescent rolls, but keep them in the rectangle form - don't separate into triangles! You should have 8 rectangle sections. Pinch the seams together or shit will leak out everywhere. Form a wreath shape using the rectangles (ON A COOKIE SHEET, you will not want to try to move this later! It's a bitch to do and you'll make a giant mess, just trust me.) leaving about a 3 inch hole in the middle. Make a ring about 3/4 of an inch from the hole all the way around the crescent wreath using your meat mixture. Fold up the edges of your crescent roll wreath around the meat, pinching the ends into the center of the ring. I wind up having to pinch together the gaps in also. Sprinkle the top of the ring with parmesean cheese and the rest of your grated cheese. Bake at 375 for 11-15 minutes until dough appears cooked thoroughly. Let it cool completely before you try to move it! I use two spatulas and a lot of creativity to slide the ring onto a plate!

S'mores Cupcakes

Warning, these are addictive. Better summon some willpower or get out the fat pants.

You can use any chocolate cake mix you'd like, in place of the cupcake ingredients - but I like to make everything from scratch. And this exact recipe leaves you with incredibly moist, delicious cupcakes! Cupcake recipe: 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa 1 cup granulated white sugar 1/2 cup vegetable oil 1 tsp salt 1 tsp baking soda 1 tsp white vinegar 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips 2/3 cup pieces of broken graham crackers Throw everything except the chocolate chips and crackers together in the bowl and mix by hand until you'r left with a smooth but thick batter. Then mix in the rest until well coated. Why add a little at a time? I don't have many minutes per day without people pestering me. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes. Allow to cool completely before frosting, or the frosting will melt right off! Instead, dip your finger in the frosting and eat some while you wait. It's good, and there's plenty. Frosting recipe: 2 cups heavy whipping cream 1 jar marshmallow creme Whip the cream, using an electric mixer until it is nice and fluffy thick. Add the jar of marshmallow cream and beat until well blended. Place in the fridge for about 20-30 minutes to help it thicken up. Frost cupcakes using any method you choose. I use a pastry bag, it's less messy. But if you're like 99% of people, you don't have that shit. So toss it into a ziplock baggie and cut a corner off. Ta-da. Decoration: Pieces of graham cracker, a few chocolate chips, and some toasted marshmallows will finish the job! To toast the marshmallows, you could put some on a cookie sheet and place them in the oven with the broiler on low for a few minutes, or you could do like I did... I put them on a glass plate, and ran my BBQ lighter wand over the top of them until they started to brown. Then of course I caught some on fire and made a huge mess, because I'm friggin impatient. If you're low on time or the toasted idea isn't up your alley, you could also just throw some untoasted marshmallows on top! Keep the cupcakes refrigerated until it's time to eat, or in a cool place if you're entertaining outdoors. The frosting is very temperature sensitive.